What Produce Section are They Shopping In?!

I am expecting my first biological child this spring.  We had been trying for many years.  Just when I had decided it was not in the cards and turned my attention to enjoying all the advantages that came with my step children getting older, we find ourselves on the verge of the decent back into dippers and juice boxes.

I had accepted the benefits that part time parenting of older kids offers.  They can make their own meals, say “please” and “thank you” with no prompting, we can watch more grown up movies and TV shows, they are funny, smart awesome people and I can actually let them play outside without constant hawk like supervision (for the most part.)  I have written many times before just how much I love having them around and that has not changed in the least.

At first, I thought it was sad that there will be such a large age gap between the new addition and her older half brothers but the first time I fell asleep in the middle of the day and woke up to them eating a lunch they made themselves- I realized the error of my ways.  They are kind and understanding about the process I am going through.  They cut me slack when I am exhausted and don’t want to run around or make them an elaborate meal.  I don’t have to do any of the basics for them and they are extremely helpful with anything I need to get done.

They are fully aware of what a new baby means as they have a little sister at their mom’s house and so their excitement is not based in naiveté.  They actually know what we are getting ourselves into and are still pumped about it.  I could not ask for anything more.

Every week the first thing out of their mouths was often, “how big is it now?!”  Through doing this research; we have all decided that there is a major problem with one of the most popular pregnancy tracking websites.  You know the one, that compares each week with a diffrent fruit or vegetable.

At first these comparisons made sense but we all decided early in the second trimester that the people making these assertions must live in a place devoid of actual plant matter or they shop at one of the weirdest stores ever.  The first trimester these analogies seem pretty apt but you can tell especially in the third that they are either reaching or just out of their depth.  Here are some of the size comparisons in chronological order:

Banana- week 20 to Endive- week 21.  What?  I don’t think I have ever seen an Endive bigger than a Banana.

Lettuce- week 27 to Eggplant- week 28 to Acorn Squash- week 29  to Asparagus- week 31 AND THEN BACK to Romaine Lettuce six weeks later for week 37.

They say Asparagus measures 16.2 in!  While I know that asparagus can reach a height of four feet or more I have NEVER seen a specimen in the store that was that big.

This same site gave them hope for things that I simply will never be able to do, pregnant or not- like glow.  The youngest took this to mean I would illuminate a dark room and despite my constant correction that this is a quality of skin and not a transformation into a firefly he is convinced that I am just holding out on him.

As usual the questions they come up with on their own are intelligent and hard to answer.  I think I learned more from researching their queries than I did from the online produce comparisons.  Here are some examples of some very valid and interesting questions they have posed:

Q: Where do babies go to the bathroom while there are in there?

A: At around the end of the first trimester they will start to pee into the amniotic fluid and then practice breathing with this same fluid.  We all did it.  They do not poop into the womb, instead they save that for when they come out.  Lucky us.

Q: Can she hear me? (Doesn’t wait for answer but screams into stomach.)

A: Yes, at 17 weeks.

Q: How long does it take food to get to her after you ate it?

A: The fetus doesn’t get the food per say, they get a constant stream of nutrients from your body.  This was yet another disappointment as the oldest who wanted me to feed her certain things so she could see what they were like.

Q: Is she doing Karate in there?!?

A: Kind of.

Their most popular question is “how long till she comes out?” and though they know the due date I have been clear that she could be early or late.  They have mandated that she is to come right on time since it falls on the weekend and they will therefore be with us.  The oldest has given me strict instruction that he is to be the first person in the family to hold her and if I should give birth while he is at his mom’s we are to have a “nurse put her in the car and drive her to him.”

That will not be happening but it is the sweetest thing in the world to watch them get ready for their new sibling.  I can’t wait to see what she looks like and I am eager to get the whole labor and delivery thing over with.  There is only one things that is for sure, she will have the best brothers in the world!

This will be an interesting spring.  We are holding off on getting any new critters for obvious reasons, I think there will be enough to do around here without adding that to the mix.  Though the youngest is already pushing for another husky because “she needs to have a dog of her own…”

Nope, but good try!

Be well and wish us luck!