Homeschooling joy?

Have you ever wanted to relive the time spent during your youth around the dining room table, arguing with your parents about homework? Perhaps you would like to do that, all day, every day? Well then do I have an activity for you.

Homeschooling your own child!

We are three years into our homeschooling journey. Last year, a fire closed PJ’s supplemental school so this is our first year without any regular days apart or formal curriculum assistance.

We were so happy when we found Stillwater school. A one room schoolhouse down a dirt road in the Maine woods, with only 20 students ranging in age from 4-12, it seemed like a dream. You could choose the days and times of attendance; from as little as one half day a week, up to five full days. The two days a week that she was there were a huge help to me, I had some guiding curriculum and two days when I had mental space to myself as well as the ability to get things done without the constant negotiation and administration of her school work.

The fire that took this beloved resource happened in March of last year. Since we didn’t take the summer off of schooling, Pj and I are more than eight months into this relatively solo endeavor. Some days are super rough, but others are very enjoyable. It’s easy to get lost in the daily minutia of the tasks at hand and seemingly endless driving to and from activities. There are moments where I really appreciate the progress she has made and the quality of the lessons she is learning.

I don’t highlight these wins as much as I should.There is a lot to celebrate about the person she is, and all of her accomplishments thus far.

For instance, this was her first day of second grade. Echo lake with a good friend and her baby. We talked about eutrophication and drought, obvious conditions this year affecting this beautiful location. She caught bullfrog tadpoles in the name of science, a time honored family tradition.

We don’t follow any set curriculum, though online resources like ABC Mouse, IXL and Reading Eggs are very good for tracking her progress and giving her some structure in her daily lessons. I would not call what we are doing “unschooling” as I am still directing her options, but she does have a lot of control over the supplemental focuses beyond reading, writing, math, science, etc.

If the purpose of school is to make sure someone will be a fully functional human by the time they are 18, I think practicing these skills in the world will be more beneficial than cosplaying these skills in an artificial environment. Not being bound by dozens of hours a week of scholastic commitment means she has time to take on more involved tasks and projects. She is able to learn more advanced life skills, like earning an income.

She has been selling her own products at the craft fairs where I sell ceramics, starting with having her own table of creations last winter.

She sold out. I did not.

She did not enjoy the quality control aspect of producing salable ceramic items, as I insisted that her items not be actively dangerous and should perform the function they were intended to.

No cups with cracks or plates with blade like rims.

The next fair she opted for a unique beverage experience, hand squeezed ‘magic’ lemonade for the spring and summer events. I introduced the idea of a ph-reactive float made of butterfly peas, which change from purple to pink when added to acidic elements. She would mix up her lemonade base and add a generous float of the butterfly pea mixture, creating a beautiful and refreshing beverage.

When business was slow she went to each of the other vendors and sold THEM lemonade. She worked really hard, in the making and selling. She learned about principal investment, cost of ingredients, labor, pricing and return on investment. Starting out with a loan from the Bank of Mom, by the second day she was in the black and had to invest her earnings back into more lemons, sugar and ice if she wanted to have product for the second day.

She ended the weekend with hundreds of dollars in profit and pretty advanced bartending skills for most seven year olds. Plus she did math in her head for hours at a time.

For the first fair of this fall she sold hot spiced cider, caramel apples and other handmade confections at a local apple orchard.

No matter what her product of the day she almost out-sells me every time, largely due to her tenacity as a sales person and generally affable demeanor. Each event she comes away with a bag full of goods from bartering with her fellow vendors. Most of the time we go home tired and happy with some extra lunch money to feed us on the road once we resume her scheduled activities.

These activities range from homeschool meet-ups, field trips, dance, soccer, baseball, gymnastics, horseback riding, swimming to jujitsu, where she is thoroughly enjoying a sanctioned place to “take people down”. We are able to indulge in this amount of extracurricular activities because we are not adding them on top of school commitments. Otherwise it would be untenable to add almost 10 extra hours of instruction to the load. Especially considering we live in the sticks and everything is in opposite directions so we spend over 10 hours a week driving to and from these activities. She often does her worksheets in the car, making good use of her commute.

I love seeing her advance skills. This month she has started nailing back walkovers with the help of not only gymnastics, but also her acro-dance class. She is an absolute beast in any competitive sport and the amount of joy she gets out physically fighting other kids in jujitsu is a little scary.

This is the part in the story where I point out that we are incredibly privileged to have the option to homeschool. Not just in terms of time but also money. In addition, the fact that she is my only full time child and that the boys now have their own transportation back and forth from their other household, facilitates our current schedule of activities.

I also believe that she would do well in regular school.

Our ideological reasoning for homeschooling can be at odds with others in the homeschooling community who are worried about children being exposed to ‘too much’ in the public school system. I do not feel like learning pronouns or the existence of other family systems poses any threat to her understanding of the world. Quite the opposite in fact, I don’t think those lessons go far enough. I can remember many times in my own public education having to relearn aspects of history or events that were dumbed down or white washed for the sake of not offending. I felt my time had been wasted and I had been kept ignorant of concepts I would have preferred to be aware of sooner.

In addition to that aspect, in every group learning situation teachers must teach to the middle of the groups’ abilities. I am able to push her where she is ready and to oversee all of the things she is exposed to. We believe in reading banned books. We just got done listening to the audio book of Lord of the Flies and the resulting discussions were very interesting. She was able to grasp the overarching themes of a complex allegory about the best and worst of human nature. She understood that the beast was real, not in a physical sense but in the ability of every human to act in a beastly manner toward other members of any group. Especially a group of “others”. She voiced the difference in the priorities of Ralph and Jack and the results each of these focuses produced.

It seemed a very apt lesson for this place in history we all find ourselves in. We also finished Separation of Church and Hate. This book explores how Christian nationalism is so divorced from the teaching of Jesus that it would be laughable, if not so actively dangerous. Not only to vulnerable and marginalized populations, but to this system as a whole. It was a wonderfully researched argument made by a man who was brought up by parents who believed that living in accordance with the Bible requires as much self refection, as biblical study. They taught him that the church should always be a check against the power of those who seek to use it to fear monger and control, while completely ignoring major tenants of what Christ actually said.

The ability to homeschool and homestead is born of privilege, but also trying to use that privilege to create the best outcome not only for her, but for her understanding of our duty to society as a whole. We emphasize self sustaining natural systems not only for the lessons they demonstrate, but so she will value their intact and interdependent effect on the world.

I love how much her dad teaches her about life in the plotting, planting, tending and harvesting garden. Her understanding of where her food comes from, and what goes into those aisles of produce always available at the store is well above average, boarding on rare in this age of American existence.

She learns invaluable lessons about caretaking because of the chickens.

Our adventures in breeding and hatching each year has taught her not only about genetics but the tenuous balance of life and death.

We raise and slaughter meat birds every year too and she understands that we care deeply even for creatures we will one day consume.

Our love, gratitude and respect is not reserved only for our pets, but also for our food.

These are hard lessons, especially for an emotionally sensitive child. There have been many tears, but also reverence, ceremony and understanding. When you make the decision to eat meat, you are taking life. My dad was fond of pointing out that vegetarian diets still require killing but “you just can hear the carrot scream”.

Most people don’t meet their meals anymore, animal or otherwise. Of all the living beings on the planet, humans are the only exception to this rule; we are the only ones who do not personally dispatch their sustenance. I think it is important to remember that this separation is a very recent occurrence. Until the last couple generations Americans were still connected to our food in a much more tangible way.

Life is a messy business and I understand and appreciate the impossible line that public and private schools have to walk, trying to inform and educate the masses without offending any one. When it comes to our kids; we want the best for them. The range of ‘best’ is as vast as the Grand Canyon.

I feel that homeschooling is a microcosm of parenting in general.

The constant stimulation makes the days long and often overwhelming for both of us. Many days it’s easy to feel like I’m failing her. Those are the ones when I have dreams of sending her off on a school bus and drinking coffee in early morning silence, planning what I am going to do with my day.

Other days I’m blown away by her understanding of the world she lives in. She is eloquent and clear sighted. I made a promise to her when I held her for the first time, that I would lie to her as little as possible about the complicated world I was bringing her into.

I had no idea how hard that would be.

I love that her education is not easily measured, especially against her peers. Her interpersonal skills and navigation of complex social issues and interactions has been noted frequently by strangers. Long gone are the days when homeschooled children lived in isolation with little contact with the ‘real world’. She spends her days navigating life with me in the land of adults.

I could go on, but considering I’ve been writing this post for a month, I should probably wrap it up. I’m not sure what the future of her education holds. She has shown interest in going to public school with her peers and I’m not ruling it out. I wanted to express my gratitude for what she has achieved so far. I have been very lucky in the kid department, first with the boys and now with this little force of nature who I spend my days with. Most of the time all I can do is hold on, but every once in a while I take time to appreciate this adventure we are on together.

It’s wild and free, scary and sacred.

It’s crazy how too much time together can still seem like not enough as soon as we have a break in our routine. I am thankful for the privilege homeschooling affords us and for the daughter I get to do it with.