She’s Got the Whole World in Her Hands

*I wrote this a while back.  It has taken this long to edit and post. All accounts of the gardens and sheep are not current 🙂 Summer 2018- Adjusting to having a daughter has been surreal and overwhelming in every way possible. There is anxiety that at any second I could make a mistake that might result…

 A Letter From Baby Jail

Dear mom, I hope this letter reaches you.  My warden/guard/fellow prisoner will no doubt try to intercept this correspondence. (To date- she has postponed it’s creation by a week, using nothing more than dirty diapers and grunts of discontent.)  She will stop at nothing to make sure that my access to the outside world is…

May? What May?

I don’t know how it happened, but May is almost over.  Shoot, it might BE over by the time I hit ‘publish’ (I have been working on this post for a couple days).  Somewhere in-between midnight feedings and dirty diapers a whole month slipped through our fingers.  Ry went back to work yesterday.  I can’t…

All-You-Can-Take Mother’s Day Pain Buffet

Child birth is often touted as the most pain a person can experience and I can’t say that I disagree.  I can say that it is a fortunate thing the body has no capacity to remember that pain.  I remember it happened and that it was excruciating but I cannot call back the exact nature…

Spring Break, Homestead Edition

This week proved once again (and still) how awesome the boys are.  I am officially 8 3/4 months pregnant and in this state it could be a real drain to have two rambunctious kids running round for ten days, but true to form the boys were more of a joy than ever.  Sure, they are…

What Produce Section are They Shopping In?!

I am expecting my first biological child this spring.  We had been trying for many years.  Just when I had decided it was not in the cards and turned my attention to enjoying all the advantages that came with my step children getting older, we find ourselves on the verge of the decent back into dippers…

Taking Time to See the Light

I have thought many times before that children are the ultimate measure of time.  Their progress is one of the most palpable demonstrations of daily growth.  Children change at a rate that is impossible to ignore, as long as you are paying attention. It is easy to habituate to change, to focus on all the…

Frozen New Year

In 2017 I started more drafts of posts that have gone unpublished than ever before.  There is so much I have felt I needed to say but I lack the time to get them to a place worth sharing.  These scattered unfinished thoughts have been the benchmark of this past year for me.  It is ironic…

It’s a… Middle Finger!?

My husband and the boys had me brainwashed into thinking it was going to be a boy.  All the conversations we had about the new baby used the pronoun “he.”  My husband kept insisting that he “only makes boys” (he was kidding, kind of) and with two boys in the family already the concept of another boy seemed…

A Little Big News

It might be a bit of a shock that over the last four years of this blog I have left out one of the major aspects of our life together.  One of the main reasons behind leaving my job for a simpler life after my dad passed has gone wholly unmentioned.  The time has come to…

Gruesome Gratitude

All night I tossed the turned, dreaming fitfully of the morning’s macabre task.  Each time I woke- my stomach dropped as I realized it had been a dream and the deed still lay before me. I woke up before dawn and headed out to prepare my station.  I cut the top and bottom off a…

So Close and Yet So Far

My little cousin got married last month.  Though truth be told, he can hardly be called “little” by any stretch of the imagination.  He now looks a little like Clark Kent, can bench press an obscene amount of weight and will some day soon be a licensed Chiropractor.  In my heart and mind he will forever…

No Dogs Allowed!

At its worst; losing a family member can be seem like a bottomless pit of sorrow, at it best it is a empty hollow place- either way it is an unavoidable ‘adjustment.’  Our own recent transition has been… as smooth as a thing that painful can be.  We had the benefit of knowing that it…

All Good Dogs Must Come To An End.

For over two months normal greetings between my husband and I have been replaced with one question. “How is she?” At first, the answers were hopeful but as time went on we both had to accept that we had gotten to THAT place.  The one no dog lover wants to be, were the only answer…

Declaration of a Different Kind.

My godfather Mike was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s Disease (ALS) when I was young.  I don’t know how old exactly, or how long he suffered before succumbing to the illness when I was nine. He had given my parents strict orders that I was not to know he was sick.  I think he recognized my…

On Giving and Getting

More then a decade ago, this picture was taken.  I was a line cook on the Santa Cruz Municipal Wharf in a high-end Mexican restaurant.   I would come in first thing in the morning, prep for the day, work the line at lunch and stay through the dinner rush. Anyday I was not in school, I…

A Jolly Poke In The Ribs

Last month, marked three years since my dad passed.  In my meditations of him I came across a memory.  Our family’s version of a holiday story; about a time when he poked me, I hit him and we both learned an important lesson about the world we lived in. I recalled writing about it years before and with a…

I Met a Young Man

I met a young man this morning, staring out of my stepson’s eyes. When had they started looking so wise?! What happened I can not say, only that I know for sure it was different yesterday. Or… Had that been last week? Maybe the one before? Hard to tell which way is up or down anymore. A glance had been…

The Scattering: Dennis Gobets Goes to Italy

Anghiari, Italy to be exact. This was recently posted by a friend of my father’s. Found a place I thought he’d like. Lots going on. Fireflies in June so bright you don’t need a flashlight. So many frogs you can’t hear yourself think. Wild boar families running around with babies. Deer. Porcupines. And loads of…

TBT- Time is never on sale. Get It While You Can!

One year ago, (now 3) I drove across town with the boys in blissful ignorance of what the day would bring. We were on a mission to find post-Thanksgiving donuts to round out our holiday gluttony. As we passed the lake; I saw that it was on the cusp of solidity, a magical phase that only lasts…

2016 Garden Recap (Better Late Than Never. Right?)

Sometime in June I blinked, and BLAMO!  It’s October. Most of my writing efforts this summer have focused on becoming unexpected duck farmers and The Scattering. The homestead vegetation has been unaffected by my lack of record keeping. Our fence worked wonders for the vegetable production this year!  It is amazing (not really) what keeping the chickens and sheep…

Photo Challenge 2016- Summer

When you are a student, the word summer is synonyms with freedom.  At least it was for me.  My last day of Kindergarten I thought, “Ok, cool.  That was fun.  Thank god it’s over!  Back to real life.” Then came the next fall’s rude awakening; this whole ‘school thing’ was no glitch. Apparently, it was going to be a serious…

Getting All Our Ducks in a Row

I mean literally. My figurative ducks are all over the place!  However, I have found that actual ducks are easy to get in a row.  Step 1: Put down a line of food… that pretty much does the trick. Fun fact: it works for chickens too. It is a moving, quacking, squawking row; but a row none the less….

Photo Challenge 2016- Water

This summer has been a whirlwind.  Work fills my days + the homestead and boys fill the days off.  It has been difficult to find time to breath, never mind write anything coherent or take any pictures. With a few dozen employs and a hefty commute, it seems like I am always in-between one thing and another. Consequently, I feel like I am…

Best Present EVER!

This week is my birthday and yesterday I got the most amazing gift I have ever received. We have a tradition of handmade gifts here on the homestead.  Money is always tight and gifts are usually better when thought and effort create them, rather than a factory somewhere out there. I had to work but when I came home all…