So Close and Yet So Far

My little cousin got married last month.  Though truth be told, he can hardly be called “little” by any stretch of the imagination.  He now looks a little like Clark Kent, can bench press an obscene amount of weight and will some day soon be a licensed Chiropractor.  In my heart and mind he will forever…

TBT- Self Indulgent Ramblings And Abstract Metaphors

I wrote this on the plane ride of the first visit back home, almost seven years ago.  I found it recently and was please that my younger self had left such a good reminder of what to focus on as I pass farther along this path that lead me to the opposite side of the…

The Scattering Part 4- Stashing Dennis At The Lane

Steamer Lane is an epic break in Santa Cruz.  Home to many a surfing contest and the highlight of surf films old and new.  I leaned how to surf at the next beach down (Cowells) when I was a girl. The Lane has always been part of my life’s landscape.  One of the few definite…

A Father’s Day Flower For My Daddy

I have managed to maintain my cherub like demeanor pretty well these past couple weeks.  I felt accomplished to be so at peace with beginning the LONG process of placing my dad’s ashes.    His birthday was last Monday and until today I was holding up REALLY well. Two days ago, I was thinking it was nice to find myself in…

The Scattering Part 3-Making Mud Pie With Daddy. Literally

My sister and I were raised by a rabid surfing gang referred to by its members as Team Squeam.  Our parents were the only ones in this group of free spirited hippy surfers, to have children.  Since there were only the two of us; it was easy to hand us down cliffside or piggyback us up…

The Scattering Part 2- Dennis Takes a Hike

I grew up hiking EVERYWHERE.  If there were no waves, there were always trails. Through fields, down cliff to the ocean or up endless mountains covered by giant Redwoods.  Often past signs that read “No Trespassing,” all in search of the places where you can plainly see the finger print of god. As a child; I…

TBT- Ode To Honey

Honey is somewhere around 15 years old. (Now 16!) This is a ball park estimate since her age at the time my husband adopted her was uncertain.  She has been such a blessing in our lives and rather than singing her praises after she is gone (an inevitability I don’t like to think about) I wanted…

Time May Heal All Wounds- But It Makes Homesickness Worse

My little town has always been the core of who I am. Even now as I sit thousands of miles away-it feels close enough for me to touch.  It still stings my heart that I am too far away to do so. Boulder Creek still looks the way that most towns in the West used…

TBT: My Surrender to a Lack of Expectations

“The more things change…” This journey is far from over and the things I have learned are immeasurable and priceless.  Every once in a while I am privileged to have some positive reinforcement that my thoughts and I are on the right path. Surrender is not something to submit to or to accept and then…

TBW: Wisdom From The Lakota.

My sister and I were raised by a pack of rabid surfers and hippies.  When we were very young our Godfather, Todd discovered the world of Ishi-The Last Yahi.   Todd was already one of the most accomplished outdoorsman you will every meet.  For instance; look what he can get with a snorkel and sling spear- breakfast,…

TBT

The Swell Again and again I tread the same water passing it over my body and going nowhere, suspended between what is and what is to be. Then change comes as a wave out of the abyss consuming everything. Shifting your entire bodily universe and there is nothing anyone can do to prepare for it,…

Life’s A Trip, Enjoy The Fall.

This April will mark five (oh my god!) years since we packed up the truck and headed the wrong way across the country.  After half a decade of winters I can promise you that people headed west for more than the chance to strike it rich.  More like the chance to feel their extremities during the year….

Wisdom From The Lakota.

My sister and I were raised by a pack of rabid surfers and hippies.  When we were very young our Godfather, Todd discovered the world of Ishi-The Last Yahi.   Todd was already one of the most accomplished outdoorsman you will every meet.  For instance; look what he can get with a snorkel and sling spear-…

It’s A SAK!

I was broken, empty and unable to do anything about it.  My dad was dead and I was 3000 miles away. I couldn’t fly home immediately, because bereavement fairs no longer exist and we could not afford a ticket that costs twice what it would in two days. All I could do was wait; feeling useless…

Defiantly Not The Leader Of The Pack.

When I was in college, I would spend hours hiking the coast and mountains taking pictures of all the animals I found in my little haven. I used an actual film camera, you know the kind- where you have to focus by hand and then wait to see if you succeeded when the film was developed hours or even…

“All Things Are Difficult Before They Are Easy.”

8/20/09 Boys, It is just so very hard- hard to see you both smiling in pictures knowing that it’s not for me, that you don’t even remember me anymore. It is hard to know that I am not wanted in your lives, hard to know that people think that is what’s best for you. Hard to…

The Loose Ends…

 Devoid of purpose, I wandered. Making my way down the worn path to that old familiar place of fire and metal. The overgrown jungle of iron and found “treasures” from years of my dad’s ramblings. It was as he left it- when he left us. The spiders now sewing everything in their place. High on a shelf I saw…

Is There Such A Thing As ‘Gardener’s Anonymous?’

What felt like the shortest week ever in California looks like it was the longest seven days back in Maine.  We knew it would be fun to see how much our garden had grown while we were away but neither of us was ready for the greeting we received upon our return to the homestead. The…

A Week On the Fog-line.

This trip has left me with such an overwhelming feeling of thankfulness it is hard to articulate.  Unfortunately, that is not going to stop me from trying.  Here goes- I got to share the place I love, with those I love most.  It that was one of the greatest blessings I have ever received. I was once again…

A Marmot’s Tale.

My sister requested I make her a rice crispy treat mountain for her wedding.   Preferable, this confectionary mountain would have marmots fighting dragons on it. Fine.  My little sister wants a breakfast cereal mountain adorned with rodents fighting mythical beings- whatever. This request resulted in a late-night-marshmallow-covered adventure of epic proportions. I decided that the cereal…

My Two Cents on Marriage. For My Favorite/Only Little Sister.

My little sister got married this past Saturday and it was EPIC!  She was THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BRIDE EVER!  The day was filled with new born goats, a rice crispy treat mountain covered in dragons fighting evil marmots, a trebuchet, family and love. “Who could ask for anything more?”   I am so happy to have a…