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Tag: death
The Pivot and the Pirouette
As the years go on it is hard to articulate the way my grief has changed. When I compare my feelings to the words of others, nothing fits. It seems apt for this time of year that those words feel like tight pants after… Continue Reading “The Pivot and the Pirouette”
Shit Sandwich Part 3-The Spicy Pepper Anger Sauce
Shit Sandwich Part 3-The Spicy Pepper Anger Sauce
Some people skip this ingredient on their sandwich. Many folks only have a couple angry spaces they have to pass through in their grieving, and some of us get extra.
Shit Sandwich Part Two- The Meat.Â
Let’s talk about death, shall we?Â
Hey wait, where are you going?Â
Why does everyone do that?!
In this sandwich metaphor I’m embracing, it should be no surprise that the meat of this process is the grieving, and that meat is raw.
Our Fluffy Angel
This November, I woke up early to try and get some holiday tasks done, but it was not what my day would bring. Instead, I realized I needed to get Isis to a vet, never thinking she wouldn’t be coming back home. She had… Continue Reading “Our Fluffy Angel”
Is and Isn’t
Last week, a beloved friend of mine posted a beautiful letter to her mother on the second anniversary of her death. I tried to think exactly how long it had been since my dad passed, and I couldn’t do it. Was it 2012? Or… Continue Reading “Is and Isn’t”
Black Friday Two for One Special
“Care to join me for a hike?” Dennis Gobets 2009. Since Thanksgiving is not anchored to any particular date the anniversary of my dad’s death seems to fall on two days some years. This year is one of them. Black Friday is always the hardest… Continue Reading “Black Friday Two for One Special”
Gruesome Gratitude
All night I tossed the turned, dreaming fitfully of the morning’s macabre task. Â Each time I woke- my stomach dropped as I realized it had been a dream and the deed still lay before me. I woke up before dawn and headed out to… Continue Reading “Gruesome Gratitude”
No Dogs Allowed!
At its worst; losing a family member can be seem like a bottomless pit of sorrow, at it best it is a empty hollow place- either way it is an unavoidable ‘adjustment.’ Â Our own recent transition has been… as smooth as a thing that… Continue Reading “No Dogs Allowed!”
The Scattering: Dennis Gobets Goes to Italy
Anghiari, Italy to be exact. This was recently posted by a friend of my father’s. Found a place I thought he’d like. Lots going on. Fireflies in June so bright you don’t need a flashlight. So many frogs you can’t hear yourself think. Wild… Continue Reading “The Scattering: Dennis Gobets Goes to Italy”
TBT- Time is never on sale. Get It While You Can!
One year ago, (now 3) I drove across town with the boys in blissful ignorance of what the day would bring. We were on a mission to find post-Thanksgiving donuts to round out our holiday gluttony. As we passed the lake; I saw that it was… Continue Reading “TBT- Time is never on sale. Get It While You Can!”
The Scattering Part 4- Stashing Dennis At The Lane
Steamer Lane is an epic break in Santa Cruz. Â Home to many a surfing contest and the highlight of surf films old and new. Â I leaned how to surf at the next beach down (Cowells) when I was a girl. The Lane has always… Continue Reading “The Scattering Part 4- Stashing Dennis At The Lane”
A Father’s Day Flower For My Daddy
I have managed to maintain my cherub like demeanor pretty well these past couple weeks.  I felt accomplished to be so at peace with beginning the LONG process of placing my dad’s ashes.   His birthday was last Monday and until today I was holding up REALLY well. Two days… Continue Reading “A Father’s Day Flower For My Daddy”
The Scattering Part 3-Making Mud Pie With Daddy. Literally
My sister and I were raised by a rabid surfing gang referred to by its members as Team Squeam. Our parents were the only ones in this group of free spirited hippy surfers, to have children.  Since there were only the two of us; it… Continue Reading “The Scattering Part 3-Making Mud Pie With Daddy. Literally”
The Scattering Part 2- Dennis Takes a Hike
I grew up hiking EVERYWHERE. Â If there were no waves, there were always trails. Through fields, down cliff to the ocean or up endless mountains covered by giant Redwoods. Â Often past signs that read “No Trespassing,” all in search of the places where you… Continue Reading “The Scattering Part 2- Dennis Takes a Hike”
The Scattering Part 1- The Divvy
We set key to lock, and entered the underworld domaine of my father. Â A place of endless possibilities and combinations. Â Here, we would find the tools to begin my dad’s final trip. My mom got to work covering the table and preparing our workspace… Continue Reading “The Scattering Part 1- The Divvy”
Death and Snowflakes
The snow falling lightly on my window reveled itself to me one day. All the little flakes waited patiently to melt. Momentarily displaying their breathtaking detail, individual beauty and uniqueness. I was there to see it. But had there been no audience-the show would… Continue Reading “Death and Snowflakes”
On The Road Again
Since my dad passed two years ago a great many things have changed. Most of these differences have nothing to do with my dad or his death.  In some ways that makes his absence that much more surreal.  In the uncharted country of time yet to come,… Continue Reading “On The Road Again”
A Question For My Dead Father…
Over the past two years, I have come to fully appreciate why people call it “the grieving process.”   After the initial shock and adjustment, a long and winding road unfurled into the future.  I have started to adapt to my new fatherless state. Now: I remember that I can’t call him-… Continue Reading “A Question For My Dead Father…”
Memorial Pillows
This summer has been one of the most tumultuous seasons in recent years and that’s saying something!  I thought it right to spend some time on simple things.  Like our couch. No, wait.  I know how that sounds and it’s not like that.
I Spoke Too Soon…
Some days are not as fun as others and some downright F*cking suck.  This Tuesday was one of the latter. We were so excited about our new family members but the excitement was short lived.  Tuesday morning, I went out to tend the lambs and my… Continue Reading “I Spoke Too Soon…”
Death and Facebook
Unlike Myspace; I think it is safe to say that Facebook isn’t going anywhere. Â The advent of this previously unprecedented way to stay in touch has made a huge impact on many parts of our society, for better or worse. When I started my… Continue Reading “Death and Facebook”
A Murder Mystery, Most Fowl.
Living close to the land reminds you constantly that death is a daily part of life.  The best example of this has been our experiences with the flock(s.) Our first young flock was decimated by a family of raccoons; two springs ago. One night 17 dead chickens. There… Continue Reading “A Murder Mystery, Most Fowl.”
Time is never on sale. Get It While You Can!
One year ago, I drove across town with the boys in blissful ignorance of what the day would bring. We were on a mission to find post-Thanksgiving donuts to round out our holiday gluttony. As we passed the lake; IÂ saw that it was on… Continue Reading “Time is never on sale. Get It While You Can!”
My First Year Without A Father.
The end of November will mark one year since my dad passed unexpectedly. It has been the first year of my life I didn’t have a dad ready at hand. Â Just a phone call away. Â Not that I called all the time. Â I am… Continue Reading “My First Year Without A Father.”
A Familiar Loss
Since the death of my dad last fall, my choices have catapulted our lives into a bittersweet mix of trial and change. Some good some bad, all different. The homestead has had many births and new beginnings but today I fear we must again morn one of… Continue Reading “A Familiar Loss”
Following Life’s Not So Subtle (Road) Signs
“High Ho, High Ho, it’s off to work I go.” Well, to be honest as a restaurant “lifer” I have been sneaking shifts bar tending down South at a cool historic inn. Â It has been amazing to focus on the homestead and the boys… Continue Reading “Following Life’s Not So Subtle (Road) Signs”
Judge Not…
Before Monday, I could have truthfully stated that I have never cried at the death of someone I didn’t know.  I think there are many people around the world who could have said the same before the passing of Robin Williams. I only hope we can all gain… Continue Reading “Judge Not…”
The Loose Ends…
 Devoid of purpose, I wandered. Making my way down the worn path to that old familiar place of fire and metal. The overgrown jungle of iron and found “treasures” from years of my dad’s ramblings. It was as he left it- when he left us. The spiders… Continue Reading “The Loose Ends…”
The places I found you.
I went for a dive today, hoping to find you along the way. I took the back roads and chose the path. Hoping to find you somewhere, maybe on some mountain’s pass. What I discovered was exactly as I had feared. That you were no longer here,… Continue Reading “The places I found you.”
What does it become?
What does a birthday become after a person’s life is done? Does it transform into a day to mourn the last? I don’t know what to do- where to begin the task. The only direction I have to look now is back.
Your Pets Are Not Your Children, They Are Your Grandparents.
Your animals should not be like your children.  They should be your grandparents. I say this for one specific and important reason- it is unnatural to outlive your offspring. Barring some unforeseen tragic event, it will be your privilege to preside over the passing of your critters.  I… Continue Reading “Your Pets Are Not Your Children, They Are Your Grandparents.”
Death and snowflakes
The snow falling lightly on my window reveled itself to me one day. All the little flakes waited patiently to melt. Momentarily displaying their breathtaking detail, individual beauty and uniqueness. I was there to see it. But had there been no audience-the show would… Continue Reading “Death and snowflakes”
Buck Flack Friday!
You shouldn’t hate anything but…I hate ‘black friday.’ I despise the consumerism and mania that it encourages. I find it abhorred that the nation can deftly vacillate from heartfelt appreciation for the things we have- to unabashed and rapid accumulation of new things. Things… Continue Reading “Buck Flack Friday!”
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