She’s Got the Whole World in Her Hands

*I wrote this a while back.  It has taken this long to edit and post. All accounts of the gardens and sheep are not current 🙂 Summer 2018- Adjusting to having a daughter has been surreal and overwhelming in every way possible. There is anxiety that at any second I could make a mistake that might result…

 A Letter From Baby Jail

Dear mom, I hope this letter reaches you.  My warden/guard/fellow prisoner will no doubt try to intercept this correspondence. (To date- she has postponed it’s creation by a week, using nothing more than dirty diapers and grunts of discontent.)  She will stop at nothing to make sure that my access to the outside world is…

What Produce Section are They Shopping In?!

I am expecting my first biological child this spring.  We had been trying for many years.  Just when I had decided it was not in the cards and turned my attention to enjoying all the advantages that came with my step children getting older, we find ourselves on the verge of the decent back into dippers…

The Era of Personal Responsibility

What would you do if you were is 1930’s Germany witnessing the rise of Hitler?  Would you realize that something was very wrong with the trajectory of the leadership?  What would you do about it? Before the current era in politics this was a purely hypothetical question that now seems to have become painfully relevant….

Overkill USA

Here we are again… I think everyone has experienced one of those relationships, romantic or otherwise where the same issue comes up over and over again.  The same conflict argued round and round with no resolution in sight.  Each person believing wholeheartedly that their argument is so inherently virtuous that neither side is willing to give an inch.  Even new valid points are seen in old…

Taking Time to See the Light

I have thought many times before that children are the ultimate measure of time.  Their progress is one of the most palpable demonstrations of daily growth.  Children change at a rate that is impossible to ignore, as long as you are paying attention. It is easy to habituate to change, to focus on all the…

The Food Pyramid They Don’t Teach In School

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good (wo)men to do nothing.” -Edumnd Burke The current state of our immigration policy is something I have tried to publicly ignore but like my Planned Parenthood post I feel the discussion has reached critical mass and I can’t sit idle.  The discourse seems to be…

Lessons From The Lupin Lady

My mom was a school teacher before my sister and I were born.  When we were a little older she started a pre-school at our house called Kid’s Garden.  (Sara got to attend the first year but I did not.  I’m totally over it…obviously because I don’t even have to mention it anymore.) My early…

Frozen New Year

In 2017 I started more drafts of posts that have gone unpublished than ever before.  There is so much I have felt I needed to say but I lack the time to get them to a place worth sharing.  These scattered unfinished thoughts have been the benchmark of this past year for me.  It is ironic…

It’s a… Middle Finger!?

My husband and the boys had me brainwashed into thinking it was going to be a boy.  All the conversations we had about the new baby used the pronoun “he.”  My husband kept insisting that he “only makes boys” (he was kidding, kind of) and with two boys in the family already the concept of another boy seemed…

Unexpected Fruit of Grief

Four years ago, we were preparing for my dad’s funeral by early morning light.  I was back in my childhood home under the redwoods in my mom’s kitchen; writing a joint eulogy with my sister and pouring some good whiskey into a flask for the three of us.  It was rough but we were determined…

A Little Big News

It might be a bit of a shock that over the last four years of this blog I have left out one of the major aspects of our life together.  One of the main reasons behind leaving my job for a simpler life after my dad passed has gone wholly unmentioned.  The time has come to…

So Close and Yet So Far

My little cousin got married last month.  Though truth be told, he can hardly be called “little” by any stretch of the imagination.  He now looks a little like Clark Kent, can bench press an obscene amount of weight and will some day soon be a licensed Chiropractor.  In my heart and mind he will forever…

Reflection Haikus

Color flows through leaves Reflection allows them see Beauty of their tree

The Lone Girl in The Locker Room

Yesterday, I reposted a writing I did a couple years ago briefly touching on my opinion about becoming a woman in modern times.  I have written on the topic more than once over the years but only in short bursts and specific situations- never in general.   I feel the need to go deeper, though…

Reflections of Summer

This morning marked a rare day off, sans kids.  I had a moment to reflect on a summer filled with work; most of my time spent away from our little homestead.  Sitting with the birds in the sun, many thoughts passed through me.  I let them come and go as they pleased.  I was struck…

Symptoms of an Insane World

  I don’t know where to start, but the beginning seems a good place to try. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t believe humanity to be insane. From the time I was first aware of the world outside my own thoughts and opinions; it seemed I was surrounded by contradiction and needless turmoil. I…

No Dogs Allowed!

At its worst; losing a family member can be seem like a bottomless pit of sorrow, at it best it is a empty hollow place- either way it is an unavoidable ‘adjustment.’  Our own recent transition has been… as smooth as a thing that painful can be.  We had the benefit of knowing that it…

All Good Dogs Must Come To An End.

For over two months normal greetings between my husband and I have been replaced with one question. “How is she?” At first, the answers were hopeful but as time went on we both had to accept that we had gotten to THAT place.  The one no dog lover wants to be, were the only answer…

Declaration of a Different Kind.

My godfather Mike was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s Disease (ALS) when I was young.  I don’t know how old exactly, or how long he suffered before succumbing to the illness when I was nine. He had given my parents strict orders that I was not to know he was sick.  I think he recognized my…

TBT- Self Indulgent Ramblings And Abstract Metaphors

I wrote this on the plane ride of the first visit back home, almost seven years ago.  I found it recently and was please that my younger self had left such a good reminder of what to focus on as I pass farther along this path that lead me to the opposite side of the…

The Choice I Never Had to Make

I wrote this post some time ago now, and I did more than hesitate to post it.  In fact, I almost didn’t at all. This is because my reproductive health is no one’s business! After a time, I was compelled to speak out on behalf of an organization that had given me the greatest gift in the world,…

What Now?

As the sun rises on this strange new world I wonder, what can I do? I want not to feel this ache. This void inside that I do not command, that it seems I can’t even touch or influence in the slightest way. I feel thin, spread over so much that it s like not being…

A Jolly Poke In The Ribs

Last month, marked three years since my dad passed.  In my meditations of him I came across a memory.  Our family’s version of a holiday story; about a time when he poked me, I hit him and we both learned an important lesson about the world we lived in. I recalled writing about it years before and with a…

I Met a Young Man

I met a young man this morning, staring out of my stepson’s eyes. When had they started looking so wise?! What happened I can not say, only that I know for sure it was different yesterday. Or… Had that been last week? Maybe the one before? Hard to tell which way is up or down anymore. A glance had been…