Tag: love

Is and Isn’t

Last week, a beloved friend of mine posted a beautiful letter to her mother on the second anniversary of her death. I tried to think exactly how long it had been since my dad passed, and I couldn’t do it.  Was it 2012? Or… Continue Reading “Is and Isn’t”

A Mother’s Prayers

A mother’s prayers for her daughter

Gifts From Gaia

This year, I found myself an unemployed mother. The basic tasks of child rearing are not a problem for me, though the sleep schedule and PTO suck. The most difficult things was adjusting to a feeling I couldn’t put my finger on. Something that… Continue Reading “Gifts From Gaia”

Ashes of Sweetgrass

What was the step too far? Where have we gone so wrong?! At what time did we lose sight of that essential thing that kept us in balance with everything else? Was it when we stopped roaming with the seasons and started cultivating fields? When we settled into towns and then cities? Was it the arrogance of proclaiming ourselves better than all the other beings on this earth? What would living in line with our nature even look like in modern times?! Braiding Sweetgrass really flushed out these questions, systematically untangling the roots of the tree that is ‘modern man’ and explored how we can once again participate in the Honorable Harvest.

She’s Got the Whole World in Her Hands

*I wrote this a while back.  It has taken this long to edit and post. All accounts of the gardens and sheep are not current 🙂 Summer 2018- Adjusting to having a daughter has been surreal and overwhelming in every way possible. There is anxiety that… Continue Reading “She’s Got the Whole World in Her Hands”

 A Letter From Baby Jail

Dear mom, I hope this letter reaches you.  My warden/guard/fellow prisoner will no doubt try to intercept this correspondence. (To date- she has postponed it’s creation by a week, using nothing more than dirty diapers and grunts of discontent.)  She will stop at nothing… Continue Reading ” A Letter From Baby Jail”

What Produce Section are They Shopping In?!

I am expecting my first biological child this spring.  We had been trying for many years.  Just when I had decided it was not in the cards and turned my attention to enjoying all the advantages that came with my step children getting older, we… Continue Reading “What Produce Section are They Shopping In?!”

The Era of Personal Responsibility

What would you do if you were is 1930’s Germany witnessing the rise of Hitler?  Would you realize that something was very wrong with the trajectory of the leadership?  What would you do about it? Before the current era in politics this was a… Continue Reading “The Era of Personal Responsibility”

Overkill USA

Here we are again… I think everyone has experienced one of those relationships, romantic or otherwise where the same issue comes up over and over again.  The same conflict argued round and round with no resolution in sight.  Each person believing wholeheartedly that their argument is so inherently virtuous that neither side is… Continue Reading “Overkill USA”

Taking Time to See the Light

I have thought many times before that children are the ultimate measure of time.  Their progress is one of the most palpable demonstrations of daily growth.  Children change at a rate that is impossible to ignore, as long as you are paying attention. It… Continue Reading “Taking Time to See the Light”

The Food Pyramid They Don’t Teach In School

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good (wo)men to do nothing.” -Edumnd Burke The current state of our immigration policy is something I have tried to publicly ignore but like my Planned Parenthood post I feel the discussion has… Continue Reading “The Food Pyramid They Don’t Teach In School”

Lessons From The Lupin Lady

My mom was a school teacher before my sister and I were born.  When we were a little older she started a pre-school at our house called Kid’s Garden.  (Sara got to attend the first year but I did not.  I’m totally over it…obviously… Continue Reading “Lessons From The Lupin Lady”

Frozen New Year

In 2017 I started more drafts of posts that have gone unpublished than ever before.  There is so much I have felt I needed to say but I lack the time to get them to a place worth sharing.  These scattered unfinished thoughts have been… Continue Reading “Frozen New Year”

It’s a… Middle Finger!?

My husband and the boys had me brainwashed into thinking it was going to be a boy.  All the conversations we had about the new baby used the pronoun “he.”  My husband kept insisting that he “only makes boys” (he was kidding, kind of) and with two… Continue Reading “It’s a… Middle Finger!?”

Unexpected Fruit of Grief

Four years ago, we were preparing for my dad’s funeral by early morning light.  I was back in my childhood home under the redwoods in my mom’s kitchen; writing a joint eulogy with my sister and pouring some good whiskey into a flask for… Continue Reading “Unexpected Fruit of Grief”

A Little Big News

It might be a bit of a shock that over the last four years of this blog I have left out one of the major aspects of our life together.  One of the main reasons behind leaving my job for a simpler life after my… Continue Reading “A Little Big News”

So Close and Yet So Far

My little cousin got married last month.  Though truth be told, he can hardly be called “little” by any stretch of the imagination.  He now looks a little like Clark Kent, can bench press an obscene amount of weight and will some day soon… Continue Reading “So Close and Yet So Far”

Reflection Haikus

Color flows through leaves Reflection allows them see Beauty of their tree

The Lone Girl in The Locker Room

Yesterday, I reposted a writing I did a couple years ago briefly touching on my opinion about becoming a woman in modern times.  I have written on the topic more than once over the years but only in short bursts and specific situations- never… Continue Reading “The Lone Girl in The Locker Room”

Reflections of Summer

This morning marked a rare day off, sans kids.  I had a moment to reflect on a summer filled with work; most of my time spent away from our little homestead.  Sitting with the birds in the sun, many thoughts passed through me.  I… Continue Reading “Reflections of Summer”

Symptoms of an Insane World

  I don’t know where to start, but the beginning seems a good place to try. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t believe humanity to be insane. From the time I was first aware of the world outside my own thoughts and opinions;… Continue Reading “Symptoms of an Insane World”

No Dogs Allowed!

At its worst; losing a family member can be seem like a bottomless pit of sorrow, at it best it is a empty hollow place- either way it is an unavoidable ‘adjustment.’  Our own recent transition has been… as smooth as a thing that… Continue Reading “No Dogs Allowed!”

All Good Dogs Must Come To An End.

For over two months normal greetings between my husband and I have been replaced with one question. “How is she?” At first, the answers were hopeful but as time went on we both had to accept that we had gotten to THAT place.  The… Continue Reading “All Good Dogs Must Come To An End.”

Declaration of a Different Kind.

My godfather Mike was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s Disease (ALS) when I was young.  I don’t know how old exactly, or how long he suffered before succumbing to the illness when I was nine. He had given my parents strict orders that I was… Continue Reading “Declaration of a Different Kind.”

TBT- Self Indulgent Ramblings And Abstract Metaphors

I wrote this on the plane ride of the first visit back home, almost seven years ago.  I found it recently and was please that my younger self had left such a good reminder of what to focus on as I pass farther along… Continue Reading “TBT- Self Indulgent Ramblings And Abstract Metaphors”

The Choice I Never Had to Make

I wrote this post some time ago now, and I did more than hesitate to post it.  In fact, I almost didn’t at all. This is because my reproductive health is no one’s business! After a time, I was compelled to speak out on behalf of… Continue Reading “The Choice I Never Had to Make”

What Now?

As the sun rises on this strange new world I wonder, what can I do? I want not to feel this ache. This void inside that I do not command, that it seems I can’t even touch or influence in the slightest way. I feel… Continue Reading “What Now?”

A Jolly Poke In The Ribs

Last month, marked three years since my dad passed.  In my meditations of him I came across a memory.  Our family’s version of a holiday story; about a time when he poked me, I hit him and we both learned an important lesson about the world… Continue Reading “A Jolly Poke In The Ribs”

I Met a Young Man

I met a young man this morning, staring out of my stepson’s eyes. When had they started looking so wise?! What happened I can not say, only that I know for sure it was different yesterday. Or… Had that been last week? Maybe the one before? Hard to… Continue Reading “I Met a Young Man”

Photo Challenge 2016- Creation

I have always had the unquenchable desire to create stuff.  Pretty much anything will do for materials, I can sculpt, draw, paint, weave, sew, and when all else fails I will completely make things up but there is nothing that I have ever done that… Continue Reading “Photo Challenge 2016- Creation”

TBT- Time is never on sale. Get It While You Can!

One year ago, (now 3) I drove across town with the boys in blissful ignorance of what the day would bring. We were on a mission to find post-Thanksgiving donuts to round out our holiday gluttony. As we passed the lake; I saw that it was… Continue Reading “TBT- Time is never on sale. Get It While You Can!”

Getting All Our Ducks in a Row

I mean literally. My figurative ducks are all over the place!  However, I have found that actual ducks are easy to get in a row.  Step 1: Put down a line of food… that pretty much does the trick. Fun fact: it works for chickens too. It is… Continue Reading “Getting All Our Ducks in a Row”

Photo Challenge 2016- Water

This summer has been a whirlwind.  Work fills my days + the homestead and boys fill the days off.  It has been difficult to find time to breath, never mind write anything coherent or take any pictures. With a few dozen employs and a hefty commute, it seems like I am… Continue Reading “Photo Challenge 2016- Water”

Best Present EVER!

This week is my birthday and yesterday I got the most amazing gift I have ever received. We have a tradition of handmade gifts here on the homestead.  Money is always tight and gifts are usually better when thought and effort create them, rather than a factory somewhere… Continue Reading “Best Present EVER!”

The Best Laid Plans

… of ducks and women often go awry. This spring, we decided NOT to add anything to the menagerie.  Then our ducks went ahead and veto that decision.  Of course, it is my fault for letting them sit on the eggs but if you have ever encountered… Continue Reading “The Best Laid Plans”

The Scattering Part 4- Stashing Dennis At The Lane

Steamer Lane is an epic break in Santa Cruz.  Home to many a surfing contest and the highlight of surf films old and new.  I leaned how to surf at the next beach down (Cowells) when I was a girl. The Lane has always… Continue Reading “The Scattering Part 4- Stashing Dennis At The Lane”

A Father’s Day Flower For My Daddy

I have managed to maintain my cherub like demeanor pretty well these past couple weeks.  I felt accomplished to be so at peace with beginning the LONG process of placing my dad’s ashes.    His birthday was last Monday and until today I was holding up REALLY well. Two days… Continue Reading “A Father’s Day Flower For My Daddy”

The Scattering Part 3-Making Mud Pie With Daddy. Literally

My sister and I were raised by a rabid surfing gang referred to by its members as Team Squeam.  Our parents were the only ones in this group of free spirited hippy surfers, to have children.  Since there were only the two of us; it… Continue Reading “The Scattering Part 3-Making Mud Pie With Daddy. Literally”

The Scattering Part 2- Dennis Takes a Hike

I grew up hiking EVERYWHERE.  If there were no waves, there were always trails. Through fields, down cliff to the ocean or up endless mountains covered by giant Redwoods.  Often past signs that read “No Trespassing,” all in search of the places where you… Continue Reading “The Scattering Part 2- Dennis Takes a Hike”

The Scattering Part 1- The Divvy

We set key to lock, and entered the underworld domaine of my father.  A place of endless possibilities and combinations.  Here, we would find the tools to begin my dad’s final trip. My mom got to work covering the table and preparing our workspace… Continue Reading “The Scattering Part 1- The Divvy”

Photo Challenge 2016- Layer

Spring forests in New England are amazing to behold.  Bright green leaves are born of twig tips and explode to blot out the sun from the forest floor.  The ground darkens and it seems like all in one week, you can no longer see the… Continue Reading “Photo Challenge 2016- Layer”

Wine From a Soup Cup- A Story of Addiction.

The summer I turned 15, a friend called me and asked if I would be interested in bussing with her at the Italian restaurant in town called “Silvesterie’s.” I was. Bob, the owner and Executive Chef was a Sicilian man with deeply sunken dark-rimed… Continue Reading “Wine From a Soup Cup- A Story of Addiction.”

Ent Tears

On top of the mountain behind our house; is an amazing view of Great East Lake.  We have spent a lot of time hiking to this lookout over the past few years.  It has been a part of our routine, it was even the first… Continue Reading “Ent Tears”

Photo Challenge 2016- Reflection

Back to last fall with my photo, Reflection. I had gotten in kind of a reflection rut.  I just couldn’t stop looking down to see the sky.  It lasted through the winter.  There are worse problems to have I guess.  Like not knowing how… Continue Reading “Photo Challenge 2016- Reflection”

Photo Challenge 2016- Path

Growing up the martial arts community it is almost impossible for me to think of “a path” without the concept of the Tao or Dao.  Contrary to the notion of a well defined boulevard or road The Way or The Path has always been explained to… Continue Reading “Photo Challenge 2016- Path”

Photo Challenge 2016- Friends

I have been blessed throughout my life with great friends.  In my early adulthood; I was elated to find that my family and I all had/have, true and close friendships filled with love and silliness. When I widen my focus I see many life long connections with amazing… Continue Reading “Photo Challenge 2016- Friends”

Death and Snowflakes

The snow falling lightly on my window reveled itself to me one day. All the little flakes waited patiently to melt. Momentarily displaying their breathtaking detail, individual beauty and uniqueness. I was there to see it. But had there been no audience-the show would… Continue Reading “Death and Snowflakes”

Eastward Ho! Part V. New Beginnings At The End Of The Road

This April will mark five (six, oh my god!) years since we packed up the truck and headed the wrong way across the country.  After half a decade of winters I can promise you that people headed west for more than the chance to strike it… Continue Reading “Eastward Ho! Part V. New Beginnings At The End Of The Road”

Eastward Ho Part IV-Yellowstone

The day after our mining adventure in Helena Montana, we headed for the North entrance of Yellowstone.  We had planned our route cross country based mostly on national parks, geology and a vow to wander as much as possible. Having set out at the very brink of spring; the West entrance… Continue Reading “Eastward Ho Part IV-Yellowstone”

Eastward Ho Part III. Our Little Mine.

When we drove across the country four years ago– one of the only things we DID plan was to stop in Montana and mine for sapphires.  Both of us totally dig (no pun I swear!) rocks and minerals.   There are few better ways to spend… Continue Reading “Eastward Ho Part III. Our Little Mine.”

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