Shit Sandwich Part 3-The Spicy Pepper Anger Sauce
Some people skip this ingredient on their sandwich. Many folks only have a couple angry spaces they have to pass through in their grieving, and some of us get extra.
Let’s talk about death, shall we?
Hey wait, where are you going?
Why does everyone do that?!
In this sandwich metaphor I’m embracing, it should be no surprise that the meat of this process is the grieving, and that meat is raw.
Since she was born, it’s always been this way. During our childhood everywhere I looked in our small house there was a reminder of my sister. As we grew, the physical there-ness of her was inescapable. We shared a bed for many, many years and… Continue Reading “Everywhere I look, there she is.”
She was born Sara Caitlen Gobets in Santa Cruz, Ca, July 23 1986. She died “Gobbi,” in Sabana de la Mar, Dominican Republic, July 25, 2022 from a fatal accident while working as a counselor for an adventure guide company. She left behind friends… Continue Reading “How do you write the obituary for the one who writes the obituaries?”
I was folding towels, of all things, when my phone went off across the room. Expecting nothing pressing, I kept folding towels. It went off again, beeping that a voice message had been left. I kept folding. Then it buzzed some more, with another… Continue Reading “Shit sandwich part one- the bread”
Reflecting at the lake always gives pause to my bounty of existential distress. In order to be still and alone, I walked away from the cacophony of the lakegoers, along a path that is barely there, praying for perspective.
I often refer to this season as the ‘dregs of winter’, when snow still covers the earth and spring seems like a dream. Since 2014 I have been crafting Pysanka eggs around March when the hens increased laying reminds me that spring is inevitable. … Continue Reading “Pysanky 2022”
a quick story about a girl, the woods and fire.
This November, I woke up early to try and get some holiday tasks done, but it was not what my day would bring. Instead, I realized I needed to get Isis to a vet, never thinking she wouldn’t be coming back home. She had… Continue Reading “Our Fluffy Angel”
Hidden inside lush darkness live things too precious for the harsh light. This is our time to rejoice in the slack tide of the year wheel’s revolution. Our future possibilities growing unseen, cradled in the AbyssLike seeds encased in frozen earth, safe, dreaming of… Continue Reading “The Sweetness of the Long Night.”
I remember planing our first garden at this house, I was looking at a pack of asparagus seed and reading the fine print saw that it would take a whole year to get actual asparagus. “Who needs that?!” I thought. I was blinded by… Continue Reading “Perennial Heaven”
This summer we’ve spent a lot of time in the woods. Every mushroom our daughter sees, she tells me to “take a picture” so I do. The abundant rain this year has made so many little mushroom scenes its hard to get through the… Continue Reading “Nature’s composition is Flawless”
What grows within that fence of bones? Motherwort, with its thorny flowers towering above Jack-in-the-pulpit’s striped hood. Perhaps she has Poison ivy in the window box and thistle lining the walk. I imagine her garden full of plants that enforce their sovereignty, without fail.… Continue Reading “Mama Baba Yaga”
This summer will be 9 years since we bought this property. We, the world, and this little bit of land have changed a lot since then. When we bought this little house it sat in a sea of perfect lawn, it was the quintessential… Continue Reading “Hindsight is 2020”
A narrow path emerges from the shadows of winter skeletons. Their fallen kin, line the way to a distant sun drenched clearing. Although I can see it, and even convince myself I can feel the opening up of space around me, there is a… Continue Reading “Emerging”
I have been tracking elder plants in my area over the last few years. A lot of the time I visit them, just to say “hi”, and I would be lying if I said that this behavior was pandemic related. It’s been like this… Continue Reading “Stalking Plants”
Last week, a beloved friend of mine posted a beautiful letter to her mother on the second anniversary of her death. I tried to think exactly how long it had been since my dad passed, and I couldn’t do it. Was it 2012? Or… Continue Reading “Is and Isn’t”
PJ and I are very fortunate to be able to stay home, so we do. During the warm months it was easy to spend the days outside; walking in the woods, playing with the chickens and tending the garden. Winter has given those outdoor… Continue Reading “Stir Crazy”
A mother’s prayers for her daughter
Most days during this pandemic, I start by calling my mom and telling her all the things her granddaughter did to me the day before. More often than not, she laughs at me without remorse. After she regains her composure, she tells me I… Continue Reading “Tales of a Toddler”
Snow covered fruit restWaiting for light to returnI will wait with them
Right before COVID took over our lives, my Oma made a huge decision. At 94, she realized that it was no longer the best idea to live alone in her home without help. After carefully weighing all her options she made the very practical… Continue Reading “Decking New Halls”
Thanks to the miracle of FaceTime, I could read the excitement on my mom’s dimly light face as she sat on her deck high in the redwoods, listening to the howling. “Can you hear them?!” She asks through her grin.
We grew up in backyards full of fire scarred trees. Playing in ancient flame hollowed trunks, making silent promises to the bit of earth that gently cradled our innocence. These monuments whispered reminders; that it is this land’s nature, to burn.
I have worked in restaurants my whole life. Till the little monster was born almost two years ago, my life revolved around executing meal services. Front and back, top to bottom. I have held every position possible in the industry from dishwasher to department… Continue Reading “A World in the Weeds”
Last year, at the first herbal apprenticeship class, we each drew a card from a plant tarot deck. I drew Elder. A plant of wisdom, magic and powerful medicine. I was aware of its existence, but had very little experience with it. I vowed… Continue Reading “Elderberry Kind of Year”
Hope is the splint we use to bind and tie, all the things broken by the weight of a lie. It is feeling of relief that kindness brings, when we realize the giant is here to help fix our tattered wing. Hope is being… Continue Reading “Hope”
Valentine’s Day is often associated with freshly cut long stem roses. The redder, softer and more fragrant the better- as if that is the only incarnation of a rose that could represent love. A soft, fresh, fragrant specimen picked before it has properly bloomed,… Continue Reading “February’s Rose”
This year, I found myself an unemployed mother. The basic tasks of child rearing are not a problem for me, though the sleep schedule and PTO suck. The most difficult things was adjusting to a feeling I couldn’t put my finger on. Something that… Continue Reading “Gifts From Gaia”
I stated my Tuesday sure that the biggest challenge I was going to have; was going to be not eating the pie I made the day before. As usual, my assumptions were spectacularly wrong.
What was the step too far? Where have we gone so wrong?! At what time did we lose sight of that essential thing that kept us in balance with everything else? Was it when we stopped roaming with the seasons and started cultivating fields? When we settled into towns and then cities? Was it the arrogance of proclaiming ourselves better than all the other beings on this earth? What would living in line with our nature even look like in modern times?! Braiding Sweetgrass really flushed out these questions, systematically untangling the roots of the tree that is ‘modern man’ and explored how we can once again participate in the Honorable Harvest.
*I wrote this a while back. It has taken this long to edit and post. All accounts of the gardens and sheep are not current 🙂 Summer 2018- Adjusting to having a daughter has been surreal and overwhelming in every way possible. There is anxiety that… Continue Reading “She’s Got the Whole World in Her Hands”
Dear mom, I hope this letter reaches you. My warden/guard/fellow prisoner will no doubt try to intercept this correspondence. (To date- she has postponed it’s creation by a week, using nothing more than dirty diapers and grunts of discontent.) She will stop at nothing… Continue Reading ” A Letter From Baby Jail”
Three days ago, I decided I would get some writing done! I was going to pen (type) beautiful pros about motherhood, growth, life and other profound stuff. Things did not go as planned. I thought I could accomplish this feat because Ry is home… Continue Reading “Well, That Stinks!”
I don’t know how it happened, but May is almost over. Shoot, it might BE over by the time I hit ‘publish’ (I have been working on this post for a couple days). Somewhere in-between midnight feedings and dirty diapers a whole month slipped… Continue Reading “May? What May?”
Child birth is often touted as the most pain a person can experience and I can’t say that I disagree. I can say that it is a fortunate thing the body has no capacity to remember that pain. I remember it happened and that… Continue Reading “All-You-Can-Take Mother’s Day Pain Buffet”
This week proved once again (and still) how awesome the boys are. I am officially 8 3/4 months pregnant and in this state it could be a real drain to have two rambunctious kids running round for ten days, but true to form the… Continue Reading “Spring Break, Homestead Edition”
I see the ground! Before I moved to New England, this would have seemed like a very odd statement indeed, but now it is an event to be celebrated. Most of the snow in the yard had gone liquid and returned to the land… Continue Reading “Spring is Upon Us!”
I am expecting my first biological child this spring. We had been trying for many years. Just when I had decided it was not in the cards and turned my attention to enjoying all the advantages that came with my step children getting older, we… Continue Reading “What Produce Section are They Shopping In?!”
Have never known a manicure or file. They are bitten rather than clipped. They have been painted less times than there are fingers to paint. In many places they are more scar than skin. The fingers on the right appear to have been badly… Continue Reading “My Hands”
What would you do if you were is 1930’s Germany witnessing the rise of Hitler? Would you realize that something was very wrong with the trajectory of the leadership? What would you do about it? Before the current era in politics this was a… Continue Reading “The Era of Personal Responsibility”
Many of my paintings or attempts at art, never reach final draft status as the stacks of unfinished watercolors on my bookshelves can attest to. Awhile ago I painted The Eye of Horus on canvas with acrylics. It was a rough draft as so many… Continue Reading “Work in Progress”
For my husband and me, a spoon full of honey does more than just help “the medicine go down” often the honey is the medicine. For colds and coughs we combine it with summer tinctures or it’s eaten with pineapple (Pineapples contain an enzyme called bromelain… Continue Reading “Just a Spoon Full of Honey”
Here we are again… I think everyone has experienced one of those relationships, romantic or otherwise where the same issue comes up over and over again. The same conflict argued round and round with no resolution in sight. Each person believing wholeheartedly that their argument is so inherently virtuous that neither side is… Continue Reading “Overkill USA”
I have thought many times before that children are the ultimate measure of time. Their progress is one of the most palpable demonstrations of daily growth. Children change at a rate that is impossible to ignore, as long as you are paying attention. It… Continue Reading “Taking Time to See the Light”
*Almost four years ago…* Yesterday, the internet filled to capacity with pictures and stories both good and bad about Valentines Day. Most of my friends on FB posted pictures of the flowers or gifts that their sweeties had given them. AWWW (truly no sarcasm,… Continue Reading “♥ Read Mine ♥”
“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good (wo)men to do nothing.” -Edumnd Burke The current state of our immigration policy is something I have tried to publicly ignore but like my Planned Parenthood post I feel the discussion has… Continue Reading “The Food Pyramid They Don’t Teach In School”
A few weeks ago I was unmotivated to do anything but sit- rendering me voluntarily couch bound. My inability to completely veg-out resulted in my making a baby registry on the ipad. Among the items requested were plain cotton onesies, fabric dye and tuct… Continue Reading “Resist Tie Dye”