Wicked Rural Homestead
Live Simply
Tag: life
Everything is different now
Ever since Sara died, my mom and I have been overusing the phrase “it’s all working out so well!” This incantation is said with varying degrees of sarcasm and sincerity. Finding something in Sara’s belongings that we thought was lost, but that she had ‘appropriated’ – “it’s all working out so well.”
The Pivot and the Pirouette
As the years go on it is hard to articulate the way my grief has changed. When I compare my feelings to the words of others, nothing fits. It seems apt for this time of year that those words feel like tight pants after… Continue Reading “The Pivot and the Pirouette”
Shit Sandwich Part 3-The Spicy Pepper Anger Sauce
Shit Sandwich Part 3-The Spicy Pepper Anger Sauce
Some people skip this ingredient on their sandwich. Many folks only have a couple angry spaces they have to pass through in their grieving, and some of us get extra.
“Into the woods I go, to lose my mind and find my soul”- JM
Reflecting at the lake always gives pause to my bounty of existential distress. In order to be still and alone, I walked away from the cacophony of the lakegoers, along a path that is barely there, praying for perspective.
When Not Sharing, is Caring for Yourself.
The pitter patter of cats playing brings me back from waking dreams to the present moment, and this attempt at writing, before distracting me again. Waves of feline driven attention lapping consciousness’s shore. This pleasant early morning dance between grounding myself in the now,… Continue Reading “When Not Sharing, is Caring for Yourself. “
A Letter From Baby Jail
Dear mom, I hope this letter reaches you. My warden/guard/fellow prisoner will no doubt try to intercept this correspondence. (To date- she has postponed it’s creation by a week, using nothing more than dirty diapers and grunts of discontent.) She will stop at nothing… Continue Reading ” A Letter From Baby Jail”
Well, That Stinks!
Three days ago, I decided I would get some writing done! I was going to pen (type) beautiful pros about motherhood, growth, life and other profound stuff. Things did not go as planned. I thought I could accomplish this feat because Ry is home… Continue Reading “Well, That Stinks!”
Spring Break, Homestead Edition
This week proved once again (and still) how awesome the boys are. I am officially 8 3/4 months pregnant and in this state it could be a real drain to have two rambunctious kids running round for ten days, but true to form the… Continue Reading “Spring Break, Homestead Edition”
Spring is Upon Us!
I see the ground! Before I moved to New England, this would have seemed like a very odd statement indeed, but now it is an event to be celebrated. Most of the snow in the yard had gone liquid and returned to the land… Continue Reading “Spring is Upon Us!”
It’s a… Middle Finger!?
My husband and the boys had me brainwashed into thinking it was going to be a boy. All the conversations we had about the new baby used the pronoun “he.” My husband kept insisting that he “only makes boys” (he was kidding, kind of) and with two… Continue Reading “It’s a… Middle Finger!?”
Into the Man Cave
When I was young, I was allowed to roam the mountain behind my house. Covered in ancient redwoods this steep ascent climbed about a mile to the summit where I could explore the top of the little ridge that cradled my childhood. The lookouts were endless and offered… Continue Reading “Into the Man Cave”
Black Friday Two for One Special
“Care to join me for a hike?” Dennis Gobets 2009. Since Thanksgiving is not anchored to any particular date the anniversary of my dad’s death seems to fall on two days some years. This year is one of them. Black Friday is always the hardest… Continue Reading “Black Friday Two for One Special”
Gruesome Gratitude
All night I tossed the turned, dreaming fitfully of the morning’s macabre task. Each time I woke- my stomach dropped as I realized it had been a dream and the deed still lay before me. I woke up before dawn and headed out to… Continue Reading “Gruesome Gratitude”
So Close and Yet So Far
My little cousin got married last month. Though truth be told, he can hardly be called “little” by any stretch of the imagination. He now looks a little like Clark Kent, can bench press an obscene amount of weight and will some day soon… Continue Reading “So Close and Yet So Far”
Reflections of Summer
This morning marked a rare day off, sans kids. I had a moment to reflect on a summer filled with work; most of my time spent away from our little homestead. Sitting with the birds in the sun, many thoughts passed through me. I… Continue Reading “Reflections of Summer”
Symptoms of an Insane World
I don’t know where to start, but the beginning seems a good place to try. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t believe humanity to be insane. From the time I was first aware of the world outside my own thoughts and opinions;… Continue Reading “Symptoms of an Insane World”
On Giving and Getting
More then a decade ago, this picture was taken. I was a line cook on the Santa Cruz Municipal Wharf in a high-end Mexican restaurant. I would come in first thing in the morning, prep for the day, work the line at lunch and stay… Continue Reading “On Giving and Getting”
TBT- Self Indulgent Ramblings And Abstract Metaphors
I wrote this on the plane ride of the first visit back home, almost seven years ago. I found it recently and was please that my younger self had left such a good reminder of what to focus on as I pass farther along… Continue Reading “TBT- Self Indulgent Ramblings And Abstract Metaphors”
What Now?
As the sun rises on this strange new world I wonder, what can I do? I want not to feel this ache. This void inside that I do not command, that it seems I can’t even touch or influence in the slightest way. I feel… Continue Reading “What Now?”
Photo Challenge 2016- Autumn
Autumn in New England is a grand thing. The cold nights drive the bugs back to the depths of the hienus hell bogs from whence they came. That in itself, would be reason to celebrate but as an added bonus (or just nature’s apology for… Continue Reading “Photo Challenge 2016- Autumn”
Photo Challenge 2016- Rich
Drained and tired, I started the car and pointed it south. Clocked out and homeward bound. The day’s events rolled around my head, a tango of worry and stress. My music played with no-one listening to it. I had no room for the lovely sounds, only… Continue Reading “Photo Challenge 2016- Rich”
Photo Challenge 2016- Summer
When you are a student, the word summer is synonyms with freedom. At least it was for me. My last day of Kindergarten I thought, “Ok, cool. That was fun. Thank god it’s over! Back to real life.” Then came the next fall’s rude awakening; this whole ‘school… Continue Reading “Photo Challenge 2016- Summer”
Getting All Our Ducks in a Row
I mean literally. My figurative ducks are all over the place! However, I have found that actual ducks are easy to get in a row. Step 1: Put down a line of food… that pretty much does the trick. Fun fact: it works for chickens too. It is… Continue Reading “Getting All Our Ducks in a Row”
Photo Challenge 2016- Water
This summer has been a whirlwind. Work fills my days + the homestead and boys fill the days off. It has been difficult to find time to breath, never mind write anything coherent or take any pictures. With a few dozen employs and a hefty commute, it seems like I am… Continue Reading “Photo Challenge 2016- Water”
Best Present EVER!
This week is my birthday and yesterday I got the most amazing gift I have ever received. We have a tradition of handmade gifts here on the homestead. Money is always tight and gifts are usually better when thought and effort create them, rather than a factory somewhere… Continue Reading “Best Present EVER!”
The Scattering Part 4- Stashing Dennis At The Lane
Steamer Lane is an epic break in Santa Cruz. Home to many a surfing contest and the highlight of surf films old and new. I leaned how to surf at the next beach down (Cowells) when I was a girl. The Lane has always… Continue Reading “The Scattering Part 4- Stashing Dennis At The Lane”
A Father’s Day Flower For My Daddy
I have managed to maintain my cherub like demeanor pretty well these past couple weeks. I felt accomplished to be so at peace with beginning the LONG process of placing my dad’s ashes. His birthday was last Monday and until today I was holding up REALLY well. Two days… Continue Reading “A Father’s Day Flower For My Daddy”
The Scattering Part 3-Making Mud Pie With Daddy. Literally
My sister and I were raised by a rabid surfing gang referred to by its members as Team Squeam. Our parents were the only ones in this group of free spirited hippy surfers, to have children. Since there were only the two of us; it… Continue Reading “The Scattering Part 3-Making Mud Pie With Daddy. Literally”
The Scattering Part 2- Dennis Takes a Hike
I grew up hiking EVERYWHERE. If there were no waves, there were always trails. Through fields, down cliff to the ocean or up endless mountains covered by giant Redwoods. Often past signs that read “No Trespassing,” all in search of the places where you… Continue Reading “The Scattering Part 2- Dennis Takes a Hike”
Death and Snowflakes
The snow falling lightly on my window reveled itself to me one day. All the little flakes waited patiently to melt. Momentarily displaying their breathtaking detail, individual beauty and uniqueness. I was there to see it. But had there been no audience-the show would… Continue Reading “Death and Snowflakes”
Eastward Ho Part III. Our Little Mine.
When we drove across the country four years ago– one of the only things we DID plan was to stop in Montana and mine for sapphires. Both of us totally dig (no pun I swear!) rocks and minerals. There are few better ways to spend… Continue Reading “Eastward Ho Part III. Our Little Mine.”
TBT-Eastward Ho! Part I
Almost six years ago… Almost four years ago now, my partner (now husband) and I found ourselves in the unenviable position of moving to the East Coast. For us, the timing of the move was not something we had expected. In fact it… Continue Reading “TBT-Eastward Ho! Part I”
Perfect little Imperfections and Unintentionally Complete Projects
Like so many of the things we see everyday I have rediscovered two of the items in my living room. They have been hanging on my walls for almost half my life- and there are long periods of time when I cease to… Continue Reading “Perfect little Imperfections and Unintentionally Complete Projects”
Are Phoenix Ashes Impatient?
An oldie but a goodie… Almost two years later. The more things change the more that stay the same. When a Phoenix dies, do its remains know they will be reborn? This past few months I have managed to; loose my dad, quit my job, flounder… Continue Reading “Are Phoenix Ashes Impatient?”
Photo Challenge- Extra
Extra. Currently, the word evokes strong- conflicting emotions. There is a constant battle inside my head over how I perceive my reality and judge my efforts. It seems like there is never enough. Not time, money, energy or anything for that matter. Any effort that’s exerted,… Continue Reading “Photo Challenge- Extra”
TBT- Ode To Honey
Honey is somewhere around 15 years old. (Now 16!) This is a ball park estimate since her age at the time my husband adopted her was uncertain. She has been such a blessing in our lives and rather than singing her praises after she… Continue Reading “TBT- Ode To Honey”
The Swell (how life works from the perspective of a surfer’s daughter.)
My upbringing in the west taught me so much that I depend on when life gets complicated. I am grateful for the lessons learned by bearing witness to the awesome power of the Pacific. Its boundless power could give and take life with equal ease.… Continue Reading “The Swell (how life works from the perspective of a surfer’s daughter.)”
It’s all fun and games till someone calls “NIYDEK!”
I wrote this well over a year ago and I am glad (?) to say it is just as true to day as it was then… I have often heard people talking about activities and situations that they “could never do with a spouse… Continue Reading “It’s all fun and games till someone calls “NIYDEK!””
Time May Heal All Wounds- But It Makes Homesickness Worse
My little town has always been the core of who I am. Even now as I sit thousands of miles away-it feels close enough for me to touch. It still stings my heart that I am too far away to do so. Boulder Creek… Continue Reading “Time May Heal All Wounds- But It Makes Homesickness Worse”
TBT: I’m A Fool
And that’s ok with me. In our modern age, “being a fool” carries a decidedly negative connotation. We place high value on planning, goals, specific culturally defined aspirations and conformity to the norms. In tarot, The Fool is the first card of the major arcana and represents… Continue Reading “TBT: I’m A Fool”
Coolest. Person. Ever.
My sister is the most incredible, amazing, inspirational, kick-ass person you will ever meet. Yes, I am bias but I assure you- the statement is true none the less. Allow me to justify my position. I have written about the ‘Little One’ a few times… Continue Reading “Coolest. Person. Ever.”
TBT: My Surrender to a Lack of Expectations
“The more things change…” This journey is far from over and the things I have learned are immeasurable and priceless. Every once in a while I am privileged to have some positive reinforcement that my thoughts and I are on the right path. Surrender… Continue Reading “TBT: My Surrender to a Lack of Expectations”
TBW: Wisdom From The Lakota.
My sister and I were raised by a pack of rabid surfers and hippies. When we were very young our Godfather, Todd discovered the world of Ishi-The Last Yahi. Todd was already one of the most accomplished outdoorsman you will every meet. For instance; look… Continue Reading “TBW: Wisdom From The Lakota.”
The Prettiest Fungi Of All.
I am astounded by the constant change of the forest here, in Maine. There is a time for everything and everything has its time. We have an incredible amount of fungi in the woods that surround us. Most start fruit in the middle of summer and continue… Continue Reading “The Prettiest Fungi Of All.”
TBT
The Swell Again and again I tread the same water passing it over my body and going nowhere, suspended between what is and what is to be. Then change comes as a wave out of the abyss consuming everything. Shifting your entire bodily universe… Continue Reading “TBT”
“Once In A Blue Moon”
It feels apt that July began with a full moon and will end with one too. The first moon can be called a ‘Blessing Moon’ (an old term for July’s full moon) the one on the 31st of July, will be the second full moon this month and thus-… Continue Reading ““Once In A Blue Moon””
Meanwhile- Back At The Ranch
This spring was interesting to say the least. We leaned a lot about ourselves, each other, and people in general. – and (most importantly) managed to come out on the other side just as happy as before. Adaptability always has been one of our greatest… Continue Reading “Meanwhile- Back At The Ranch”
The Rose That Bloomed Under a Stone
While tending the garden I discovered a stone had trapped a rose below. Forced to the earth, there was nowhere for it to go.
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