A Letter From Baby Jail

Dear mom, I hope this letter reaches you.  My warden/guard/fellow prisoner will no doubt try to intercept this correspondence. (To date- she has postponed it’s creation by a week, using nothing more than dirty diapers and grunts of discontent.)  She will stop at nothing to make sure that my access to the outside world is…

Well, That Stinks!

Three days ago, I decided I would get some writing done!  I was going to pen (type) beautiful pros about motherhood, growth, life and other profound stuff.  Things did not go as planned.  I thought I could accomplish this feat because Ry is home and could therefore take care of the little snapping turtle, while…

Spring Break, Homestead Edition

This week proved once again (and still) how awesome the boys are.  I am officially 8 3/4 months pregnant and in this state it could be a real drain to have two rambunctious kids running round for ten days, but true to form the boys were more of a joy than ever.  Sure, they are…

Spring is Upon Us!

I see the ground! Before I moved to New England, this would have seemed like a very odd statement indeed, but now it is an event to be celebrated.  Most of the snow in the yard had gone liquid and returned to the land from whence it came.  Daily activities around the homestead have also…

It’s a… Middle Finger!?

My husband and the boys had me brainwashed into thinking it was going to be a boy.  All the conversations we had about the new baby used the pronoun “he.”  My husband kept insisting that he “only makes boys” (he was kidding, kind of) and with two boys in the family already the concept of another boy seemed…

Into the Man Cave

When I was young, I was allowed to roam the mountain behind my house.  Covered in ancient redwoods this steep ascent climbed about a mile to the summit where I could explore the top of the little ridge that cradled my childhood.  The lookouts were endless and offered views that seemed to show the ridges of god’s own fingerprints. In…

Black Friday Two for One Special

“Care to join me for a hike?” Dennis Gobets 2009. Since Thanksgiving is not anchored to any particular date the anniversary of my dad’s death seems to fall on two days some years.  This year is one of them. Black Friday is always the hardest for me.  Since he technically passed on the 29th of November,…

Gruesome Gratitude

All night I tossed the turned, dreaming fitfully of the morning’s macabre task.  Each time I woke- my stomach dropped as I realized it had been a dream and the deed still lay before me. I woke up before dawn and headed out to prepare my station.  I cut the top and bottom off a…

So Close and Yet So Far

My little cousin got married last month.  Though truth be told, he can hardly be called “little” by any stretch of the imagination.  He now looks a little like Clark Kent, can bench press an obscene amount of weight and will some day soon be a licensed Chiropractor.  In my heart and mind he will forever…

Reflections of Summer

This morning marked a rare day off, sans kids.  I had a moment to reflect on a summer filled with work; most of my time spent away from our little homestead.  Sitting with the birds in the sun, many thoughts passed through me.  I let them come and go as they pleased.  I was struck…

Symptoms of an Insane World

  I don’t know where to start, but the beginning seems a good place to try. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t believe humanity to be insane. From the time I was first aware of the world outside my own thoughts and opinions; it seemed I was surrounded by contradiction and needless turmoil. I…

On Giving and Getting

More then a decade ago, this picture was taken.  I was a line cook on the Santa Cruz Municipal Wharf in a high-end Mexican restaurant.   I would come in first thing in the morning, prep for the day, work the line at lunch and stay through the dinner rush. Anyday I was not in school, I…

TBT- Self Indulgent Ramblings And Abstract Metaphors

I wrote this on the plane ride of the first visit back home, almost seven years ago.  I found it recently and was please that my younger self had left such a good reminder of what to focus on as I pass farther along this path that lead me to the opposite side of the…

What Now?

As the sun rises on this strange new world I wonder, what can I do? I want not to feel this ache. This void inside that I do not command, that it seems I can’t even touch or influence in the slightest way. I feel thin, spread over so much that it s like not being…

Photo Challenge 2016- Autumn

Autumn in New England is a grand thing. The cold nights drive the bugs back to the depths of the hienus hell bogs from whence they came. That in itself, would be reason to celebrate but as an added bonus (or just nature’s apology for the summer’s unreasonable humidity,) the mountains and valleys transform into living…

Photo Challenge 2016- Rich

Drained and tired, I started the car and pointed it south. Clocked out and homeward bound. The day’s events rolled around my head, a tango of worry and stress. My music played with no-one listening to it. I had no room for the lovely sounds, only the voices of tasks not yet done. Rounding the corner, the…

Photo Challenge 2016- Summer

When you are a student, the word summer is synonyms with freedom.  At least it was for me.  My last day of Kindergarten I thought, “Ok, cool.  That was fun.  Thank god it’s over!  Back to real life.” Then came the next fall’s rude awakening; this whole ‘school thing’ was no glitch. Apparently, it was going to be a serious…

Getting All Our Ducks in a Row

I mean literally. My figurative ducks are all over the place!  However, I have found that actual ducks are easy to get in a row.  Step 1: Put down a line of food… that pretty much does the trick. Fun fact: it works for chickens too. It is a moving, quacking, squawking row; but a row none the less….

Photo Challenge 2016- Water

This summer has been a whirlwind.  Work fills my days + the homestead and boys fill the days off.  It has been difficult to find time to breath, never mind write anything coherent or take any pictures. With a few dozen employs and a hefty commute, it seems like I am always in-between one thing and another. Consequently, I feel like I am…

Best Present EVER!

This week is my birthday and yesterday I got the most amazing gift I have ever received. We have a tradition of handmade gifts here on the homestead.  Money is always tight and gifts are usually better when thought and effort create them, rather than a factory somewhere out there. I had to work but when I came home all…

The Scattering Part 4- Stashing Dennis At The Lane

Steamer Lane is an epic break in Santa Cruz.  Home to many a surfing contest and the highlight of surf films old and new.  I leaned how to surf at the next beach down (Cowells) when I was a girl. The Lane has always been part of my life’s landscape.  One of the few definite…

A Father’s Day Flower For My Daddy

I have managed to maintain my cherub like demeanor pretty well these past couple weeks.  I felt accomplished to be so at peace with beginning the LONG process of placing my dad’s ashes.    His birthday was last Monday and until today I was holding up REALLY well. Two days ago, I was thinking it was nice to find myself in…

The Scattering Part 3-Making Mud Pie With Daddy. Literally

My sister and I were raised by a rabid surfing gang referred to by its members as Team Squeam.  Our parents were the only ones in this group of free spirited hippy surfers, to have children.  Since there were only the two of us; it was easy to hand us down cliffside or piggyback us up…

The Scattering Part 2- Dennis Takes a Hike

I grew up hiking EVERYWHERE.  If there were no waves, there were always trails. Through fields, down cliff to the ocean or up endless mountains covered by giant Redwoods.  Often past signs that read “No Trespassing,” all in search of the places where you can plainly see the finger print of god. As a child; I…

Death and Snowflakes

The snow falling lightly on my window reveled itself to me one day. All the little flakes waited patiently to melt. Momentarily displaying their breathtaking detail, individual beauty and uniqueness. I was there to see it. But had there been no audience-the show would have remained exactly the same. Little frozen moments.