May? What May?

I don’t know how it happened, but May is almost over.  Shoot, it might BE over by the time I hit ‘publish’ (I have been working on this post for a couple days).  Somewhere in-between midnight feedings and dirty diapers a whole month slipped through our fingers.  Ry went back to work yesterday.  I can’t articulate how grateful I am he got paternity leave at all.  It was amazing to have the time to figure out what our home life looks like now.  He also put in almost all the gardens for the summer, including an expansion of the garden outside the front door.

It might not look like much from the deck, but up close you can see the beginning of popcorn on the ridges and black beans in the valleys.  We decided last year that these crops are friends.

We planted two cherry trees and two pear trees in honor of Persephone’s first spring to add to our apple trees in the big yard.

We even got a few flowers on the apple trees this year.

The only things I got around to planting were bulbs, some of which we won’t see this summer.  Others have already come out to play!

We have decided to focus more energy on perennials: berries of all different types, bulbs and trees.  The rest of the front yard is filled with volunteers: plantain, dandelion, yarrow, mint, rhubarb, milkweed, garlic, lambs ear, sunflowers and comfrey all came up on their own.  Wherever they pleased.

It looks horribly unkempt by New England standards, but everything has a purpose either as food or medicine and letting things intermingle helps keep the soil healthy.  Without dirt there is no food.

Inside the house; I am adjusting to a new, everything.  New routine, new sleep schedule, new person in the family, new furniture/equipment in our small house- you get the idea.   Not only am I between jobs but I have to figure out what that new job is going to look like.  The logistics of keeping my career going with a small child is a daunting but necessary aspect of our life.

I am now the food source for a demanding little creature who is dependent on me for everything including, but not limited to, keeping her alive.  I vacillate between all encompassing fear and complete paralysis about preforming the daily tasks that need doing.  She seems so small and fragile.  My google searches are filled with worries: “what to do with a choking infant?, “first aid for newborns”, “is _________ normal?!”, etc.

Her size and frailty are another aspects of my life that is changing daily.  Last night, as I dressed her for bed I realized that the newborn onesie was tight.  Two weeks ago she was swimming in it.  Everyday she gets stronger and stronger.  Each minute one step closer to gaining control over her extremities. (*AHHHHHHHHHHH!*)  She already has good control over her neck and is eating constantly.

I have to do a lot of taking myself down and being grateful that she has been healthy so far.  Counting my blessings, instead of finding new worries.  I have started to meditate again, but only in short spurts.  For obvious reasons.  Still, it has been good to have time to be present as the moments race by.

The humans in the family are all in love with her.  The boys truly are the best big brothers in the world.  They are a constant help and spend hours just staring at her- when they are not arguing over who is going to hold her.

The dogs are getting used to the new critter, though Pele is far less troubled than the husky.

Isis, is great with small children but has no idea what to do about PJ.  She wouldn’t go near her for the first few weeks.  You could tell she was thinking; “nope, too small.  What are you supposed to do with it?! Play with it?  Lick it?  You know what?  I probably shoudn’t even go near it- just in case.”  It was pretty comical.  She would jump up on the couch with me; ready to snuggle, see the baby in my arms and take off like her tail was on fire.  Then I would laugh and wake the baby, it was a vicious cycle.  Now, she will stay close and even sniff the wiggle worm from time to time.

Luna seems ok with it the baby itself.

She is decidedly is unimpressed by me chasing her out of the crib.  She sees no reason that it should not be a shared sleeping platform.

The outside animals have been waiting for time and attention.  Lulu needs to be shorn.  The sheep need a new enclosure.  The chickens need a door on their summer coop to keep out Pepe La Pew.  And so much more.  All those chores yet to come will have to wait till June.  Lucky for them, June is not far away.

It is hard to rebalance a whole system in such little time.  I find it difficult not to be overwhelmed by all that needs doing.  It’s like needing answers to questions not asked yet, where do I start?!

*Breath*

I must focus on healing compleatly and be appreciative of how much healing has been done in the past four weeks.   It is truly amazing what the body can endure.  Most of the time I am in awe of the progress little Persephone has made.  My mom kept telling me two things: to “breath” and that “every day is different” and (as usual) she was not wrong.  Change is the only constant.  How apt that PJ’s birth came at the turning of the seasons and right at the dawning of a new day.  In three weeks we went from ice storms to sunshine and bugs.  So many bugs.

Those are stories for another day though.  It would appear that someone is awake again.

Be well!