I feel now that so much of what I am looking for, the patience, the peace, the calm can only be found though my ability to let go. I have realized that when I try to change things I have no influence over, I find my greatest unhappiness.
The concept of letting go of your expectations of control is easy enough. What takes time is knowing where that thin line begins and ends. There are many things in life you do indeed control.
Most of the time they look almost exactly like the things you cannot. They are inherently a part of them, bound up within them.
That is what makes this delineation more difficult. The only thing you can effect is your reaction to the event.
The event itself is outside of your control, an event can be a person (in general), action (acute event), or actual superseding situation (like a life changing medical diagnosis.)
Ultimately we have NO control over these aspects of our trajectory but we can control our reaction within path we find ourselves on. It seems that often times we expect too much from the things outside our sphere.
We want to think after a time of following the same path that we will always be headed where we are going now. That our environment will follow our Will effortlessly as it seems to have done in the past.
This coincidence makes us feel that even though the future my not be KNOWABLE it can be predictable.
Herein lies the validity for this sentiment and the ultimate source of our discontent.
This assumption is TRUE most of the time.
Life doesn’t have the time or volition to mess with all of your plans. Many things will happen just as you expect them to for extended periods of your life.
That doesn’t make your control over these external things any more valid.
Like any fallacy it FEELS true and concert but objectively it is not. The simple fact is that lightning CAN strike twice.
People do not make a habit of walking around telling themselves they are wrong, though we are about a multitude of things at any given point in time.
History has shown us with frequency that all of humanity can (and more than likely IS) completely wrong about many widely accepted ‘facts’ about our world and ourselves.
I think by living in this space of absolute uncertainly we can find something consistent and constant; change. The constant movement and shifting of everything.
Sometimes this motion is so slow it is unnoticeable and sometimes it revolves so fast you have no idea what just happened.
It is always moving always there, our lack of awareness doesn’t impact that in the slightest.
It is this illusion of continuity and control we must let go, everyone makes expectations as we travel though our daily lives. Some are big and some small but it is something we seemed adapt at doing without meaning too.
We do this as if it is our god given right to plan and have those plans come to fruition.
Instead of trying to steer our bow to a distant point where we think we should be it may be more advantageous to pick from the options visible in front of us at that point.
Rather than set course for a place that may or may not even exist.
For it is sure that a distant destination guarantees nothing but a long journey.
Often we feel like we have given up everything. Most of the time all we have lost are plans we grew attached to, dreams and aspirations that arose independently from the options we had to pick from in our lives.
I have said before that “no little girl ever dreamed of being a stepmom when they grew up.” When I first said this it was to lament a situation I had never foreseen as an aspect of my life.
Now, I think on it with feeling of disappointment for putting too fine a point on an unknowable future. Of stoping myself from enjoying a wonderful gift only because I asked for something else.
We are not given what we want but we are provided with what we need, it is our own attitudes that stop us from seeing the beauty in this.
Always beware not to accept that which is unacceptable to you. “Know yourself and to thine own self be true.”
Make your life of the clay that lies at your feet. Do not wait for distant earth to create your masterpiece.
Only through self knowledge can we accurately see the choices in front of us and swiftly decide what is best for our lives.
We can find a greater happiness if we accept ourselves as we are and move forward toward who we want to be. But we can only proceed if we choose from the crumbling paths that lay at our feet- without resentment that they don’t look anything like the treelined paved roads we dreamt up as children.
Love yourself and those who share your space. Forgive yourself when you fall short, and you will have done enough.
Let go of the world and hold tight to yourself. For it is within your own arms that you will find your greatest comfort.
We have to show our kids how to do this by doing it for ourselves.
It is the only way we can give them life’s most valuable gifts- awarness and self reliance.
That they may be happy on whatever road they find themselves on and aware of all the double rainbows world has to offer.